"Am I buggin' you? Don't mean to bug ya"
"This manifesto was written in a hotel room in east Sussex, 'round about the time a friend of ours, Dour Gordon, was putting together a policy platform for a THIRD TERM IN OFFICE. This manifesto will be about a man who lives in a house in Downing Street. A man who is sick of looking down at people protesting. A man who is ready to take up arms against any country the neo-Conservatives doesn't like. A man who has lost faith in the peacemakers of the UN, for all they do is argue and fail to support a man like George W Bush.
Am I buggin' you? Don't mean to bug you? Tone, beat the blues*"
Or something like that. Bono possibly broke his mid-1980s record for cringworthy speeches at the Labour Party conference today.
It's all in a very good cause, and people I know who work in this field say Bono has made a difference, but...it was still quite bad.
"My name is Bono and I'm a rock star. Brighton - rock - star"
"Excuse me if I appear a little nervous. I'm not used to appearing before crowds of less than 80,000 people"
"I heard the word party - obviously got the wrong idea"
"Blair, Brown, they're tough guys"
"ut actually, I can see through these goggles"
"I'm also fond of Tony Blair and Gordon Brown. They are kind of the John and Paul of the global development stage, in my opinion.But the point is, Lennon and McCartney changed my interior world - Blair and Brown can change the Real World."
And on, and on.
Of course it's not his most cringeworthy performance. I was wrong there. Step forwards Bono on the 1980s classic album...actually no, it's a dreadful album...Rattle & Hum.
Here he took pompous sanctimonious twaddle to new heights. If not these were the classic ad-libs (you really need to hear it to understand the full horror).
"Charles Manson stole this from the Beatles, we're stealing it back"
"Yep, silver and gold... This song was written in a hotel room in New York city 'round about the time a friend or ours, little Steven, was puting together a record of artists against apartheid. This is a song written about a man in a shanty town outside of Johannesburg. A man who's sick of looking down the barrel of white South Africa. A man who is at the point where he is ready to take up arms against his oppressor. A man who has lost faith in the peacemakers of the west while they argue and while they fail to support a man like bishop Tutu and his request for economic sanctions against South Africa.
Am I buggin' you? I don't mean to bug ya...
Okay Edge, play the blues..." [at this point The Edge does a Status Quo impersonation]
"So I'm back in my hotel room with Johnnie Coltrane and the love supreme. In the next room I hear some woman scream out that her lover's turning off, turning on the television. And I can't tell the difference between ABC news, Hill Street Blues, and a preacher on the old time gospel hour stealing money from the sick and the old.
Well the God I believe in isn't short of cash, mister.
I feel a long way from the hills of San Salvador, where the sky is ripped open, and the rain pours through a gaping wound...pelting the women and children...pelting the women and children...
...who run...who run...into the arms...of America"
posted by Matthew @ 9/29/2004 08:20:00 PM
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