Matt T

2007 - Year in Review

No posts on here from now until the middle of the next week, so here is my review of the year for next year. Hopefully today's good news in Iraq will mean a better one there at least.

January 1st
Political commentators and MPs expressed befuddlement at a passage in Tony Blair's New Year's Address in which he praised the Romans, in particularly their achievements in the the Year 46BC.

January 2nd
Concern grew at Tony Blair's mental state after he followed up his "Roman" speech by one arguing that "The world could learn a lot from Jupiter.

January 4th
Sources close to the Chancellor let it be known that "Gordon is not going to fall for that one" and that he believed a year is "365 days, and no more".

January 9th
Melanie Phillips wrote a Daily Mail column about social policy in Britain in which she noted the issues are complex and many good people hold differing views on what should be done. Therefore, she added, it is hard to know which policy option is right, and she offered the suggestion that a wide range of views should be canvassed and a consensus emerge. Whatever the outcome no-one should be left out of the process or condemned for their opinions, she concluded.

January 17th
Alan "Not the Minister" Johnson launched a new Decency project, which gained 2000 signatures in its first three weeks.

January 31st
The Henry 'Scoop' Jackson Society announced the Top Dog Index, an anual ranking of the World's Most Powerful Nations (Unquestionably). The 2006 rankings are 1. United Kingdom (+1), 2. United States (-1), 3. Canada (flat), 4. Australia, 5. Ireland, 6. New Zealand, 7. South Africa, 8. Gibraltar, 9. Pitcairn Islands, 10. Shetland Islands.

February 2nd
Alan "Not the Minister" Johnson launched a new Decency project, which gained 1500 signatures in its first three weeks.

February 14th
Melanie Phillips announced she is leaving the Daily Mail in protest at its "narrow-minded and bigoted attitude, in particularly towards Muslims." She also declared it to be "run by a Jewish cabal". She is to take over Robert Fisk's job on The Independent.

March 1st
Nick Cohen announced he is leaving The Observer for 'new pastures'.

March 3rd
Nick Cohen joined the Daily Mail with the tagline - "He hates the Left - do you?". His first column attacks traffic wardens, comprehensive schools and the Olympics.

March 5th
Alan "Not the Minister" Johnson launched a new Decency project, which got 1,250 signatures in three weeks.

March 27th
Tony Blair announced he has changed the locks on 10 Downing Street as a 'precuation in these troubled times'.

April 9th
Alan "Not the Minister" Johnson launched a new Decency project, which gained 1000 signatures in its first three weeks.

April 18th
Baroness Thatcher issued a statement saying she planned to take up an unpaid internship at the Darlington-based Peter Cuthbertson Centre for Free Markets and abandonment of the State Pension.

April 29th
In response to a request from Alan 'Not the Minister' Johnson for their signature on a document, Nick Cohen 'denounced the shame-faced appeasement of the British left', Stephen Pollard noted that 'the enemy has shown its face, and it is the British left', and Peter Tatchell declared that 'this day will go down as one of infamy due to the British left'. Islington Friends Meeting House said that they think that sufficed as an affirmation under English contract law to hire the venue out for an evening.

May 5th
Speaking after Labour were reduced to 2 council seats in the local elections, Tony Blair declared he had "one more war in him" and pleaded to be allowed to remain in office. Downing Street later claimed he was misheard and said "one more year".

May 6th
A surprisingly upbeat Tony Blair resigned as Labour leader after ten years as Prime Minister, and made a statement that "there is a great candidate with loads of experience, everyone knows I want him to win, and he will win".

May 7th
A shock in the Labour leadership contest as unknown MP, Anthony Booth, who represents the constituency of Sedgefield, announced he is to challenge the hot favourite, Chancellor, Gordon Brown, for the Labour leadership job. Booth, married to Cherie Blair QC, said he planned to campaign on a platform of opposition to "Brown's War on Iraq" and the Chancellor's "continual debasing reforms of public services".

May 12th
Alan "Not the Minister" Johnson launched a new Decency project, which gained 700 signatures in its first three weeks.

June 7th
Britain gained a new Prime Minister, Anthony Booth, as he defeated favourite Gordon Brown by 200 votes. He appointed Brown his Chancellor and promised a 'Cool Brittania'. Peter Mandelson was appointed to the Cabinet.

June 8th
Articles appeared in the newspapers about 'the growing rift between the new Prime Minister and his Chancellor'.

June 17th
Alan "Not the Minister" Johnson launched a new Decency project, which gained 500 signatures in its first three weeks.

July 1st
The Henry 'Scoop' Jackson Society issued a press release on the 10th anniversary of the handover of Hong Kong to the Chinese demanding that Britain - 'unquestionably the second-most powerful nation in the world' - grab it back. They also demanded greater funding for Boeing.

July 12th
Alan "Not the Minister" Johnson launched a new Decency project, which gained 250 signatures in its first three weeks.

July 24rd
Scientists revealed that Tim Worstall had now written more words on his blog in 2007 alone than had been written in all of human history up to 1827.

August 13th
Alan "Not the Minister" Johnson launched a new Decency project, which gained just 50 signatures in its first three weeks.

September 1st
The commenters on the Guardian's Comment is Free complained about the standards of the journalist's posts, and demand some kind of registration system to 'keep the loons out'.

September 15th
Alan "Not the Minister" Johnson launched a new Decency project, which gained just 5 signatures in its first three weeks.

September 22nd
Scientists revealed that Tim Worstall had now written more words on his blog in 2007 alone than had been written in all of human history up to 1887.

October 31st
There was puzzlement in the Blogosphere at the lack of a new Decency project from Alan "Not the Minister" Johnson.

November 30th
There were growing concerns over the health of Alan "Not the Minister" Johnson due to his failure to launch a new Decency project for the second month in a row. Supporters began an all-night vigil in front of their computer screens. Peter Tatchell wrote 2,000 words in Comment Is Free declaring his outrage at the lack of condemnation of those responsible for his disappearance.

December 1st
Nick Cohen's column on Melanie Phillips blog failed to appear.

December 3rd
The number of posts on Harry's Place appearing in previous week fell to 767, its lowest in history.

December 7th
Oliver Kamm announced he will not be posting again in December.

December 8th
Oliver Kamm wrote a 3,500 word post on Noam Chomsky's latest book. He then announced he will not be posting again in December.

December 12th
John Lloyd's column in the FT failed to appear. Rumours that it was because he thought it too morally good for the reading public were denied by the FT editor on the grounds that if that reason was allowed the column would never appear.

December 13th
Scientists now believe Tim Worstall has written more words on his blog in 2007 than in recorded history. They say they are checking their models.

December 15th
There were joyous scenes at the news that Alan Johnson and a number of other members of the Decent Left are alive. However neutral bystanders expressed concern at the group's statement that they had taken over a small and remote island in the Atlantic and planned to use it as a base to "make the world Decent", using a new 'Decency Ray', which had the power to destroy the entire planet (in order to save it) in less than five minutes. Hilarious bloggers pointed out that they thought Tony Blair had already done that. Sober heads said that as long as it keeps the group busy and out of their hair, it's OK with them. The plan for "World Decency Domination" gets 2,750 signatures in three weeks.

December 16th
Joyous scenes subside in confusion when it is realised that in fact it is Alan Johnson, the Cabinet Minister and Trade Unionist, who plans to take over the world from an island base, and not Alan 'Not the Minister' Johnson, who apparently has just been working on another loyalty oath which has so far gained no signatures.

Labels: Bloggy

posted by Matthew @ 12/31/2006 01:35:00 PM Comments: 2